What is Behavior Self?
Behavior Self is a choice. The greatest power in human control; is a choice.
What if destiny was a choice? What if your destiny was the sum of all of your thoughts, that became choices, and actions, and then turned into behaviors, that lead to the habits, that built your character, and shaped every relationship, every accomplishment and every experience in your life? – and you knew it! What choices would you make? What would you choose? Happiness? Success? Freedom? or all of the above and more?
The choice is yours.
Climb Your Mountain
Climb Your Mountain
I remember being very moved the first time I listened to the song “The Climb” by the band No Doubt. Maybe because I viewed my life at the time as a climb, I was climbing out of my past, my doubts, and my fears. I knew where I wanted my life to lead, and to me, in an abstract kind of way, it was like I was climbing a mountain. There were hazards along the way, forests I couldn’t see through, dangerous cliffs, paths that lead nowhere, and long detours. I recommend downloading that song on iTunes if you don’t already have it, it is very motivating!
Reaching your goal is like climbing a mountain. You can see the top and know that is where you want to go, but there will be challenges along the way. You may try your hardest to make it up a steep slippery slope and keep falling back down no matter how hard you try. Or you may find yourself at a cliff face that seems impossible to climb. It is easy for many people to see these obstacles as their own failures and become convinced that they shouldn’t even try. Maybe they fear the danger or maybe they lack the belief in their own ability to get past the obstacles.
What separates the people who never climb or give up too early from those who make it all the way to the top? And what happens after they do make it all the way to the top? I’ll answer the second question first because that is the easy one. They find another mountain, (another goal) and reach that one with the ever increasing confidence of having done it before.
The difference between those who reach their goal, and those who never try or quit too soon is actually pretty simple too. The answer is “a choice”. If you choose to focus on what you have not accomplished, you create negative, self-defeating thoughts within your own mind. Remember, the only things in this life you ever truly control are the conscious choices you make in your own mind. You can choose to “feel like a failure” or you can choose to take responsibility, embrace your failures, learn from them and get your life on course to the top of the mountain.
Every person, goal, and mountain has characteristics unique to individual circumstances. Perhaps there is a guide to show you the way, or perhaps you need to find the way yourself without a guide, and maybe even guide others after you have found the way.
Along the way, when things become difficult, you have 3 choices. (One) You can turn around, go back to where you started and lament with the others how impossible it is. (Two) Quit where you are and set up camp, and watch the others go by, turn around, or set up camp with you. Or (Three) choose to keep going, One step at a time, and never stop, knowing that all forward progress, no matter how small in measure, or how difficult, gets you closer to the top.
One of the easiest things to do when faced with unpleasantness or difficulty is to “Quit”. The thought of following through to you goal is not as easy as many think. It takes real commitment which only occurs after the initial feelings of inspiration and excitement have passed. It takes real perseverance, persistence, and focus, which are all conscious choices. Every goal and every relationship will have certain aspects that we dislike, or find inconvenient. Do not allow these to steal your joy of reaching your goal, otherwise you will simply “quit”. Give up, on the job, or the business, or the relationship.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Rocky Balboa – 2006 motion picture. When Rocky says to his son:
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479143/quotes
I think that’s why the song I mentioned earlier in this article is so touching. She “gets it”. No matter what – keep going, keep getting up, keep climbing. The rewards of high character, as high as a mountain top, are infinitely more rewarding than any ease or comfort you feel after quitting. Never give up!
Happiness and Success
Happiness and Success
A growing number of researchers around the world are studying the relationships of happiness, success, and modern lifestyle. Some nations on earth are even adopting a measure of gross domestic happiness. After years of accumulating information from people of all walks of life, the results surprised some researchers, and are in fact contrary to the images of happiness and success that are so popular in the media.
How many times have we been shown images of expensive cars, fine jewelry, big houses, young beautiful and rich people, and associated those images with happiness? In fact coveting those images so much that they became a goal in our minds, and we are sure that possessing such things or being such a person would certainly mean being happy.
After decades of sampling data from various sources including interviews with the rich and famous, psychiatric physicians, married couples of many decades, single adults of both genders and all ages, and the self professed happy people; an interesting trend was identified.
The possession of ‘the finer things in life’, was never cited as a true aspect of happiness. As a matter of fact, almost universally, the true measure of happiness in the lives of those studied, was the quality and quantity of sex, and the quality and quantity of fun.
How interesting is it, that we are educated by the media to believe that possessing expensive items brings happiness, when in fact it almost never does? Instead, having more and better sex, along with generally having more fun, were much more significant to real happiness.
The most happily married couples are typically those with high levels of attraction for each other and fulfilling sex lives, regardless of their financial situation. While the unhappy couples, site lack of intimacy and attraction, also regardless of finances. So why is it that some people who possess much wealth have less fulfilling sex lives than those who possess less wealth? This is not to say that wealth is unfulfilling, for many who possess great wealth also have great sex lives.
The interesting part is that happiness was directly related to fun and sex, rather than to the possession of wealth. What is it about the people who had fun and sex in their lives that differentiated them from those who did not? According to researchers it had no correlation to the level of wealth.
If wealth does not determine happiness, or sex or fun; what does? The answer is character. Character is comprised of presence; (mind in the present moment), integrity; (strength of preferences) and self esteem; (the sum total of your inner resources – intellect, free will and emotional energy).
The sum of your character attracts people and oportunity into your life; the greater the sum of character, the greater the sum attraction. The greater the attractive force in your life, the greater the quality of your personal relationships, friendships and professional relationships.
WebMD – Sex better than money: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sex-and-happiness
National Bureau of Economic Research: http://www.nber.org/papers/w10499
Got Attitude?
Got Attitude?!
Have you ever met someone who really believed so much in themselves and in their ability to handle any situation that they just had this “attitude” of “I’m the one in control”? Or what about another type of person who believes life just happens to them and they play the role of victims of their environment? What is the difference between the person who chooses to believe in their ability to create their life and the person who chooses to believe there is nothing they can do to change anything?
First the difference is a choice. Second the difference is in their focus. Attitude is a choice. You get to choose how you see yourself and the way you interact with the world. If you focus on what you do control; your choices, you would have an attitude of: “I am in control of my own success”. If you focus on what you do not control, that which is outside of your own conscious mind, like the economy, or the environment, you might have an attitude of: “Life just happens to me no matter what I do”. Oh boo hoo…
Successful people have known for years that a strong positive attitude is essential for all forms of success, whether personal or professional. Sexual attraction, relationship success, and professional success are all dependent on your attitude. If you approach an attractive person of the opposite sex with an attitude of “oh poor me” what chance of attraction is there? If you approach a professional situation, whether as an employee or an entrepreneur, with an attitude of: “oh the economy is so bad, there’s nothing anyone can do” what chance do you have of inspiring confidence in your professional abilities? The answer in both situations is almost always: very little, and most likely none.
A person with a weak attitude might refuse to take responsibility for their life, or they will play the role of the victim, (which doesn’t mean they are a victim), they usually just think they are. Sometimes they are either giving status to the other person, or they think they might get something in return, usually in the form of sympathetic attention. This is most often a combination of their point of view and their focus. Luckily both of these things are as easy to change as making a choice.
You may not be able to change your point of view as quickly but you can change your focus and your attitude. Your focus is what you are looking at, your point of view is where you are looking from. When you focus on your choices, and combine that focus with a strong positive attitude of: “now I see what I control!” and take the driver seat, you will be able to adjust your point of view at will.
A strong positive attitude starts with belief in yourself. Many of the greatest success stories are filled with people who believed in themselves, even when others did not. When you believe in yourself you are free to improve any part of yourself you want. You can become a better listener, or a better communicator, or a better lover. You will not “need” anyone else to believe in you nor will you focus on what others think.
You will also be able to see the best in other people and treat them with positivity, which will tend to create a reciprocal response. Opportunity will seem to appear where it once did not, although it may have been there the whole time, your new perspective revealed a previously unknown point of view.
If you focus your efforts on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems, you will see your perspective continue to grow, like seeing a great landscape for the first time as you drive to a high elevation. The more you focus on solutions, the more your mindset will find new possibilities in every problem. Over time you will welcome problems as opportunities for growth and even wealth.
It will become natural to be persistent because you know that with every problem you solve, and every new perspective you gain, you add to your character and every step along the way adds to your success. You will become naturally generous the more positive your attitude becomes because you see the value inside you and the natural tendency when something is abundant is to give. It is only in scarcity that people do not give, in fact if someone sees more value outside of themselves than they see within, the natural tendency is to not be generous. You must have a positive attitude, take responsibility for your own life and believe in yourself to be truly successful.
Choose Your Destiny
Choose your Destiny
“Character is Destiny”. For years philosophers, theologians, and psychologist have debated what exactly is destiny? Can it ever be known? Can it ever be chosen? These questions have very different meanings to different people, but if you really look at the nature of the human experience, regardless of philosophical or theological perspective, there is a common thread.
The only thing questionable to each individual is the depth to which we contemplate truth. In the most elegant fashion, the type of elegance seen in Einstein’s famous Mass Energy Equivalence statement, Freud simplified a wildly complex idea to three very small words. “Character is Destiny”. A simple elegant truth, simple – but with tremendous depth of meaning.
Throughout history we have told and retold tales of destiny and at no time in any of these tales did the hero ever actually choose their destiny. So how can this be true? The answer is in the character of the hero. In every tale of destiny, as in everyday life, destiny is always a function of character. Our preferences determine our choices, our choices determine our actions, our actions become our habits and our behaviors, over time these become our character, and our destiny is the result of the sum total of all the choices we ever made. Therefore… we do choose!
We do not get to predict the future but we do get to choose our preferences which as we just realized determine everything in our life, and over time, our destiny.
So how do you choose your destiny?
Choose your Purpose
Choosing a purpose in life can determine your destiny. How many people in our affluent society reach great heights of success and feel strangely unfulfilled? How many of us are unhappy in our jobs, relationships, or even in ourselves? This lack of fulfillment can come from a lack of purpose.
The good news is; You get to choose your purpose. As a matter of fact, you Must choose your purpose! It is essential if you are ever to reach you highest aspirations and true fulfillment. A strong purpose will help you stay on course to reaching your goals. Like the keel of a ship that prevents it from simply floating along anywhere the wind or current takes it. It also provides the power and control, like the engines and rudder of a ship that overcome the waves and the wind.
Your purpose is inside your mind, and therefore entirely in your control, unlike goals which exist outside of yourself. Goals are not in your control until after you have reached them, and made them a part of you. Your purpose is everything you want to become and your goals are steps along the way of accomplishing your purpose.
An old friend used to tell me “You have to love what you do!” and he’s right. To me though, more than loving what you, you must love the doing! You must love the actual daily activities that accumulate over time and become your life. Otherwise your mind will go into an autopilot mode and time will pass without your mind in the present moment. You can miss out on life this way, just like in the movie “Click”. One of the most rewarding skills we can acquire in our life is the skill of our mind in the present moment.
So how do you decide? Its simple… What do you want? I mean really want! What do you want to be? Some may say: “I want to be rich” – why? Ask yourself, and really think it through to the depths of your character. What do you want… to be? Too many people go around wanting so many ‘things’ that they don’t consider what they want to become, so in the long run, they don’t… become.
They end up settling for less than they could be, sometimes they end up just accepting whatever comes their way, taking the job no one else wanted, or the spouse no one else wanted, or the life no one else wanted. To prevent this from happening, start by clearly identifying your preferences. What do you like? What do you want? What will you accept or not accept in your life? How will your character form the way others treat you?
These answers will lead you to know what you need to become in order to have the life you want. Once you know what you need to become, you will be able to choose your purpose. You must choose your purpose!
You must also be willing to pay the price. If you want to become a professional competitive athlete, the price may be giving up junk food, and feeling the discipline and soreness after hours of intense physical and mental training. If you want to become a doctor without borders, you may have to give up a decade of your life to focus on education and practice, and then give up the potential millions of dollars you could earn working the business of medicine. For any purpose, there is always a price, and it must be paid, but for everyone who achieves true fulfillment in their life, it is always worth it.
Michael Andreas is the Author and Creator of Behavior Self; a modern synthesis of wisdom, science, and everyday life, revealing the interconnectedness of our choices, our character and our destiny. 
